Oh! What a Beautiful View!

Right now I am waking up to Ryan's voice, saying good morning to his family, missing my mom, drinking some grapefruit juice, taking my Vandenhaak vitamins, trying to calm some nerves, sitting on one of the beautiful new couches at Redeemer, looking back at my life, listening to Death Cab, drinking Jones, wondering why it's so hard to pin down feelings, talking to Joy about life, deciding that one of my daughters is going to be named Joy, because joy is an incredible thing. I am preparing for the Day, for class, for the ride home, for band practice, for losing things and finding them, for being a philosophical kid without the degree, and for bed. I'm not worried about school. I am wondering how school can be such a chisel, and how I can be such a block of stone. There are things that I don't care about, and things I do care about. I care about the past and the future. I care about you. I don't care if you don't care about this. In heaven, I'm going to look back at my life like it's a second. I'm going to watch God's videotapes of me running around like an idiot for my whole life. It's going to be incredible, a life in microcosm. I'm going to know the reason for the joy and the frustrations, and it will never feel like I'm beating my head against a wall again.

I wish that we could open our eyes to see in all directions at the same time.

The Great Gatsby

So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

Like one of those giant elastics that comes on your broccoli.

I'm being stretched. I'm now on Student Senate at Redeemer, the Youth Conference Committee of the Can. Ref. Churches, the leadership team at Emmanuel Youth Group, the Spiritual Activities for Students Committee, and the Student Affairs Committee. Plus I have what feels like a hundred other commitments. Ryan tells me I should do less, I tell him I'm doing more. the best part of the grace of God is that it makes me stretch, like a giant elastic. I hope this elastic doesn't break though.