Today I had a "study day" for my philosophy exam tomorrow. If you know me, you will know that I deeply enjoy philosophy. However, if you know me, you will also know that I dislike studying for exams, especially on days with weather like we had today. So, as I read through information I'm supposed to know about Plato, Aristotle, Kierkegaard, Augustin, Aquinas, and others, I found myself looking for something else to do.
If you know me, you will likely have been a passenger in my car, The Accordion, at one point or another. You will also have noticed that cleaning said automobile is not high on my list of Things I Love, in fact one could say that it would be on the list of Things I Don't Make Time To Do, or even the list of Things I Hate Doing. Regardless, I thought of how such a beautiful day as this would be the best sort of day for this cleaning, as it's better to be outside cleaning a car on a day like today than say, a day when it is minus 20 degrees outside, like most of the other seasons we have here in Canada.
I washed the outside of my car, and as I finished I thought of how painful it would be to go inside and study after enjoying such beautiful weather for an hour. The next course of action was obvious - I had to clean the inside of my car. Cleaning the inside of my car is a very special event as it usually only happens once per annum, and last year my car was graciously given it's cleaning by Kira, Anton, and Justine. This was a deeply interesting experience, as I'm sure you can well imagine if you know me. Passengers in my car are likely to notice the wonderfully varied amount of interesting objects that populate its interior (translation: it's full of crap). Here follows a non-exhaustive list of some of the things I found in my car today, and stories about how they came to be there:
- 1 flashlight - suitable for campfires, reading things at night, and other dark situations.
- 1 pair broken aviator sunglasses - given to me by Tyler, one arm is broken off, but they still stay on my face, so I use them in situations of extreme brightness (Note that the first two objects equip me for activities in all light levels. Talk about being prepared.)
- 1 tube toothpaste - I always forget toothpaste when I go to camp, and the solution was clear: permanently store toothpaste in my car!
- 2 tape measures - stolen from my brother's truck because tape measures are the rarest commodity at Thor Stone Construction.
- 1 sculpture of a human figure in the fetal position - given to me by Kira, it says "pretzel" on the back, referring to my habit of curling up and falling asleep on the couches of friends.
- 2 chapstick - one for curing dry, chapped lips, and one for rigging up my iPod connection so it does not fuzz out and wreck the music in my car every two seconds.
- 1 tennis ball - found on the way to Steve, Willem, and Matt's house, useful for various games at school during procrastination.
- 1 water gun - duh?
- 1 button - picture of Tecumseh is on it. From Kira.
- 1 toy guy - from Kira's house, we took him on photographic journey to Hamilton but didn't take any pictures of him. Poor guy.
- 1 stuffed moose - bought him in Algonquin park about 6 years ago, looks awfully cute in my rearview mirror.
- 1 pair pliers - useful for repairs, for hammering things with, and for twisting the heat-control knob (which is sadly broken) to control the air temperature in my car. Little flaws like these are what give The Accordion her character.
- 1 bottle 2% xylocaine - dental numbing agent given to me by Neal, useful for pranks on sleeping victims.
- 2 McDonald's stuffed figures - Named Wib and Jacoba Fisher.
- 1 disused portable c.d. player.
- Numerous notes, letters, confidential documents and tax return papers. All from people I love, like friends, family, Student Senate, and the Canada Revenue Agency.
- 1 first aid kit.
- 1 package Del Monte Apple juice - for emergencies.
- 1 granola bar - for emergencies.
- 2 Bibles.
- 2 pairs of work jeans.
- 1 pair work boots.
- 1 pair dress shoes.
- 1 pair basketball shoes.
- 1 tub Duncan Hines chocolate icing - I gave up coffee for Lent so I kept this in my car for long car rides at night. When I felt prone to doze off, I would simply eat a spoonful of icing- better than coffee!
- 1 broken compass/binocular/mirror/magnifying glass/all-round survival device - in case I am not lost and I want to be lost, or I want to see something far away without just driving there, or I want to check my reflection without using the other 5 mirrors surrounding me when I'm in my car, or I want to examine something small, or I want to live in the woods and be a wild-man.
- 1 dinner plate from the Lodder's house.
- 2 matching green towels - I didn't like Hitchhikers Guide much, but I learned to carry a towel (or two) wherever I go.
- 1 Royal costume - from Roots conference, includes blue blazer, gold threaded sash, and extra-short beige pants.
- 1/2 jug Quaker state motor oil - My car loves this stuff. So much that it leaks it every once in a while.
- 1 ice scraper - because who really feels like carrying it all the way inside in April, and all the way back outside in November?
- 1 Carey Price bobblehead - free from a Bulldogs game! Woohoo! I'm hoping to sell this thing on Ebay for $15000 someday.
- 3 handbooks for organizations/events - TrueCity, Zion Youth Group, and Faithworks Kentucky Trip.
- 1 raincoat
- 2 battery powered glow sticks - both of these are from friends, one from Beka at a mini-putt extravaganza, and one from Neal, the World's Most Amazing Secret Friend for 2007.
- 2 copies "The Letter To The Hebrews" - one is mine, the other says "Helder" in the front. Uhh, I wonder where that came from. Sorry Joel!
- 30 pens, pencils, or Sharpies - useful for writing things, which I guess is good because I want to be a writer. Interesting thing though: I didn't purchase 90% of these pens. People bum rides from me, their pens fall out of their pockets, and are claimed by me as a replacement for gas money. Essentially, anything that falls out of your pockets and that you don't claim within one (1) business day is considered a replacement for gas money, or a charitable donation to my existence. Unfortunately, no tax receipts can be issued. I don't at all feel badly about this policy, because most of the stuff people leave in my car is garbage, not useful at all. I think that all in all, when you consider the costs I must pay to dispose of the garbage that is left in my car, I am justified in taking whatever cool stuff is left there as well. (If you've lost anything you really need in my car, I'll give it back, I promise.)
- 1 cell phone - to everyone who has complained to me about how impossible it is to contact me because I haven't got a cell phone, fret your souls no longer! I have found a cell phone in my car today! If you ever need to call me for anything, my number is Ryan's old cell phone's number.
- Hundreds of signatures, notes, drawings, and other stuff written in Sharpie on the ceiling - My favourite part of my car! Be sure to make your mark if we ever get to drive anywhere together.
Grace + Peace, Ben
